What Is The Best Ketchup Ever?
Coca leaves ? Picked by Virgin Tomato Goddesses? Some kind of magic salt from the Orient.... ?
Scenario:
Its 12:30 AM in the morning just after midnight.The refrigerator is loaded with leftover supreme pizza.There is peanut butter and jelly , popcorn, cookies, ice cream, fresh fruit, chips, you name it. What do you do?
You jump in your car in the middle of the night and drive 30 miles to the nearest whataburger.
Harold and Kumar are amateurs. But its not the burgers you're after, its the ketchup.
You enter the burger joint, Its a small franchise some of you have probably never even heard of. There's an armed security guard. I'm not sure why, I guess its because its 1 AM by this time and he's there to watch out for the employees as they try to close, while we slip in. He is oddly standing by the condiment trays. Hmmm. You slip past him and mindlessly and robotic-ally order a burger, fries and a coke. Make it to go. You want the sack. But change your mind later and stay. This is important.
Then you carefully choose a seat near the condiments but so the security guy has his back to you . Yea , you get up to get "straws and napkins" nonchalantly throwing furtive glances to the other patrons . DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. Quickly grab 4 or 5 tubs of the ketchup and hurry back to the table. If you have a friend with you its best to wait at least 15 seconds before they make the same trip . Wait. The guard looks fidgety, maybe 20 seconds. Sit at the table and open 3 of the 4 or 5 tubs of ketchup . Those are for the meal.
They call your number . "Boldy " walk to the counter, you have " legitimate business". Pick up your tray, smile as you walk by the guard and coolly, calmly, and collectedly grab 5-6 more tubs of ketchup and slap em on your food tray like they're poker chips and you drew an ace and a jack or to an inside straight. Sit down at your table.
Open the burger and put one whole tub of the ketchup on the meat and close the bun. Use 2 -3 tubs for dipping the fries, dip em as far as they can go. Eat slowly and wait . The guard is wanting to see whats going on outside or he wants a smoke or needs to visit the little guards room. Here's your chance . It works with or without a partner. You need a coke refill . Its free and "what do you know"? The condiment trays are handy on the way back . DON'T GET GREEDY!
Grab 2 at the most 3 and return to table.
Here's where a spouse or girlfriend comes in handy . Put the dozen or so extra ketchups in her purse. If no girlfriend , put a few in your shirt pocket, a couple in you pockets and save part of your fries or burger and put them in the sack.
Happily exit the store and smile at the employee that charged you or served you. They will often give you that "all knowing" nod and smile as you break for the car.
Good grief they even have T-shirts!
Urban Myth : The ketchup is made from the lost souls of Roma tomatoes.
Thoroughly debunked by world renowned psychic " Saliva " Brown -Quote- "There are no lost souls of any kind in that ketchup"!
Urban Myth: Its illegal to take the ketchup into the country of France
This ones true if I can recall correctly.
A homemade recipe I found but haven't tried.
Based on a 100% true story.
